faith

the book about mourning that I have sitting on my bedside table for the longest time help gave me the kick to just let out everything I've been dragging on for the week or for the month or for the year i don't know how long it's been bottling up anymore. I've been so confused about so many things that I cannot anymore take comfort from the the things, persons I used to find solace on. I have loads of questions that I just cant find the answer to. In my mind I kept playing things happen for a reason, c'est la vie and that's the only thought that's been constant on my mind; everything else is on an erratic state, cryptic and uncertain. Those things are the only ones I hold on to just for me to go through this. I feel so lost yet no one would show me the way however i strongly feel that through this the only person that could help me is me and no one else. I remember when my mom and dad took off to Singapore and I asked them to buy me speakers for my ipod yet they returned with something that is USB connected, I was so mad back then because the speaker was no use for me whatsoever but fast forward to now I know am very dependent on that speaker and who's to say that the other things on my life would turn out to be a blessing in disguise as the speaker to me is now? right? faith is what I have though a lot about me has changed and maybe there's nothing I can do about that. but I'll still be hanging on tight. not giving up.