video of the week :)

because I'm addicted to trance/house/electro right now :)

sneak out!

Happy New Year!!

being

weary from being pushed and pulled into VARIOUS directions. hindi ko na alam saan lulugar. tired of living up to expectations that I myself do not even wish to attain ;/ tired of smiling when I really didn't want to.

wtf

have you ever wish something in your life never happened at all? something too painful that even breathing doesn't do anything good to make it any better? did you ever wish for things to be different than the way they are now? where you even grab that chance to wish upon anything even to that dead star in hopes for the betterment of things? of course the next thing to do is to start moving on and finding ways to  make that pain go away. When you've wielded things to be they are only to regret in the end, only to regret that effort  you've done to interfere with things just so you wouldn't be in agony anymore and your left wishing how you should have instead let faith get its' way, would you have yourself blame your personal feelings for that? would you feel so betrayed by your own self? or would you employ the fact that sometimes a person has to do what she has to do to survive? so which one is it? would you rather blame feelings and fuck reasons? 

faith

the book about mourning that I have sitting on my bedside table for the longest time help gave me the kick to just let out everything I've been dragging on for the week or for the month or for the year i don't know how long it's been bottling up anymore. I've been so confused about so many things that I cannot anymore take comfort from the the things, persons I used to find solace on. I have loads of questions that I just cant find the answer to. In my mind I kept playing things happen for a reason, c'est la vie and that's the only thought that's been constant on my mind; everything else is on an erratic state, cryptic and uncertain. Those things are the only ones I hold on to just for me to go through this. I feel so lost yet no one would show me the way however i strongly feel that through this the only person that could help me is me and no one else. I remember when my mom and dad took off to Singapore and I asked them to buy me speakers for my ipod yet they returned with something that is USB connected, I was so mad back then because the speaker was no use for me whatsoever but fast forward to now I know am very dependent on that speaker and who's to say that the other things on my life would turn out to be a blessing in disguise as the speaker to me is now? right? faith is what I have though a lot about me has changed and maybe there's nothing I can do about that. but I'll still be hanging on tight. not giving up.

xoxo

how can you call yourself the best when you can lie in my face? how can you expect me to trust when you've done it again? you can never fault a girl who's in love but you can always fault a person capable of deceiving... the pictures never lie girl, sadly you can. what an end to what I thought was one of the happy days.